Posted by: Brenda Kula | May 10, 2009

The Gift You Gave Me

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I want all of you to know that your comments since yesterday have touched my heart immensely. I am ever so thankful to have all of you in my life. Yesterday, I was sad. But today, in the beacon of light that shines back to me from my blog friends, I am smiling.

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I don’t know why I feel compelled at times to write about those sad thoughts. Sometimes it just nags at me until I put it into visible words. There are scars, yes, that all of us have in one form or another. But there is also great joy that compensates.

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I forgave my mother a long time ago. Wherever she may be, I hope she knows I hold no grudges or feel any animosity toward her. She had her own demons to fight. As a dear friend told me many times, who passed three years ago this month, “You do the best you can with what you have.” And I’m sure my mother did me the greatest of favors by leaving me behind on her treacherous journey through life. My siblings, I’m sure, wherever they may be, were likely not as fortunate.

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Like a lighthouse of friendship, you all sent beams of light right back to let me know that you were there. And I am ever so immensely grateful for that.

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There is a happy ending. I am living that somewhat lost childhood now. I have a good life. A pretty house that I love to decorate. Time to spend in my garden enjoying nature. The freedom of peaceful days. I have my family. A husband. Two grown daughters who turned out miraculously well, despite the non-mothering they sometimes received. I have two young grandchildren who are the brightest of lights. I have pets I adore and spoil terribly. I have neighbors and friends in a town that I’ve grown to love. And I have all of you.

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I have what I yearned for. All of you, have a wonderful Mother’s Day.

If you still have your mother in your life, and your relationship is a good one, tell her you love her. If you have her but your ties are strained, try to find a way to mend the divide. If you have lost your mother, remember her arms around you. If you are a mother, whether it be to children or pets, hug them.

And know that you made my Mother’s Day so very special.

As you know, I generally speak to you in flowers. Blooms that make me smile and that I want to share with you. All of you are my true and cherished gifts. I thank you for being my friends.

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Responses

  1. Happy Mother’s Day Brenda! I’m glad our comments helped you when you were blue. Holidays are sometimes the hardest of all when we miss the ones we loved. Your photos are beautiful, thanks for sharing your glorious garden with us. 🙂

  2. So glad to hear you are feeling better. Happy Mothers’ Day.

  3. Sweet thoughts and your blooms are so pretty! Happy Mother’s Day!! ~Brooke

  4. Hi Brenda,
    I am so glad you are feeling happier today! I adore the photo of the fish! I love the effect of the water. Happy Mother’s Day!
    Blessings,
    Lorilee

  5. I’m glad we were able to cheer you up and I also think it’s good that you let your feelings out, I admire that quality in you. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. My Mother died when I was 26, she was 53. We were very close and it took years before I could be happy on Mother’s Day even though I had 2 of my own beautiful children. Today is still bittersweet, she would have LOVED being a Great-Grandmother to little Cora and already buying clothes for baby brother on the way. I hope you don’t mind that I shared this on your blog, it’s something you won’t find me doing at my own. I still find it hard to talk about.

  6. Brenda, I was not here yesterday to read your post, but I sit here reading today…you have made me realized how truly blessed I am, and I thank you for that. You took the high road…one you should be so proud of. You are a warm, loving Mother and Grandmother–that’s what counts. Happy Mother’s Day!!
    Hugs,
    Linda

  7. Happy Mother’s Day! Thanks for sending me an email! I wish you all the best this coming year in celebrating all you have and are, in spite of losses that hover like a shadow even in the sun.

    I commented on your story below. We women have to lift each other heads! What would we do without one another? I am so glad we “met” here in blogland!

  8. I hope your Mother’s Day was wonderful! Your daughters are blessed to have you. 🙂

    (That yellow lantana is gorgeous!)

  9. I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day surrounded by all the things you love best.

  10. I hope you had a good day. Lovely photos, especially that fish!

  11. Ever step we took earlier in life brought us to precisely where we are now. I am so glad our paths crossed and we became friends. Knowing you has enriched my life in so many ways!

  12. Thank you for this, Brenda. Both today’s and yesterday’s posts are very moving. I’m glad you made for yourself the life you always yearned for.

  13. Brenda, you always brighten my day with your beautiful garden!
    Tracy

  14. My dear Brenda, your beautiful photos reveal a beautiful soul. How brave of you to tell your story. There is a great comforting throng out here in the blogdom that offers strong arms for hugs and broad shoulders to ease your burdens. Your strength is amazing and I know you have passed that on to your wonderful children as well. Happy belated mother’s day to a most deserving mother.
    Frances

  15. Dearest Brenda,
    I am catching up on your posts today. You have a way with words, my friend and I am so moved by your story and journey. My mom has struggled with her mother, my grandmother so I know some of this pain. It’s terribly difficult and so hard to let go of. I am so glad you have found happiness and peace. You are most deserving of it.

    Glad to have found you…
    Hugs,
    Kim

  16. Brenda,
    Having just found your blog tonight, I wanted to tell you that I feel your pain. I have lost my mom, dad and my sister a year ago. Your pictures are awe-inspiring and your words are touching my heart. Thank you for being “you” and sharing your soul with us on your blog. Keep it up because, I promise you, you are literally meeting other people’s emotional needs as you heal yourself. I am along on your journey, my friend! Grateful to have found you, Helen


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