Posted by: Brenda Kula | March 12, 2008

10th Anniversary

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Our tenth wedding anniversary managed to "sneak" up on us. He mentioned it to me the other day, and asked if I realized it was going to be today. In fact, I had not remembered that particular day. But I did recall this occasion last week. My mind keeps sweeping down the plains, as it did when we got married in Oklahoma in 1998. So on the day he asked, it just happened to be vacant.

I have learned a lot of things during these ten years. I have learned that you can get married not one, not two, but three times, as I have been. And still not get it perfect. Because nothing is ever perfect. And how fun would that be, anyway? More importantly, you come to realize that you have to stop trying to change him, or the relationship, or whatever. And just change what you can within yourself. That is within your power. Nothing else is.

You learn to aim for peace and tranquility. You learn to give each other space. You learn that you are never, not for one single day, going to stop learning. If you stop learning or making mistakes; then my friend, you are no longer among the living.

No matter how long we are married, and I hope it is forever for us, is he going to like gardening or nature or the outdoors. And I am not going to enjoy being inside and watching old black and white movies. If it wasn’t that, it would be something else. So I enjoy my gardens, and have that to myself. He has his movies, and we go on about our business. We take time to go out and have lunch on weekends. (As you get older, you find you want to eat your biggest meal in the middle of the day. Trust me, I didn’t think I would either.)

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Your pets are your children together. Because you had your human children with someone else. And that is okay. The pet children don’t talk back and give unconditional love. The tapestry that is your blended families; from your humble beginnings to marriage and children and divorce, the web just keeps spinning and weaving and integrating the past and the present.

I can’t seem to explain to him just what beauty I see in dew on a leaf, or a bud that has managed to survive a storm. He can talk to me about movies and actors from the early days, but I will look at him askance. I can’t sit still long enough for most any movie, truth be told. My mind starts wandering. And my body follows suit.

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It would never occur to him to take the camera outside at night and take pictures of flowering vines. To marvel at their beauty even when the sun goes down.

The sun will always go down. And the curtain go up. It is the nature of things. There will be good times and bad times. And then there are the simplest of times, which are the very best.

We have weathered things I never could have imagined. Felt joy that is uniquely ours. But we are still here. That has to amount for something. We just continue down the long and winding road.

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Responses

  1. Congrats Brenda to you and your husband, and I think the not trying to change him is very, very wise. I’ve been married to mine 19 years in May, and he has only changed on his own and on his own time.~~dee

  2. Congrats Brenda to you and your husband, and I think the not trying to change him is very, very wise. I’ve been married to mine 19 years in May, and he has only changed on his own and on his own time.~~dee

  3. Congratulations Brenda on 10 years. That is quite an accomplishment these days. I think its a shame that you don’t share the same interests with each other. Gardening is proof there is a God, and especially at this Easter time. Out of the death of winter comes brand new life! There is a world of beauty in a dew drop on a rose petal. The bulbs reach up to the heavens, as if answering the call from God to “rise up and live again”. Maybe your marriage can also experience resurrection and live again! Enjoy each day!

  4. What a beautiful post– I agree so strongly with what you have written and LOVE your photos. Basically, you can always win me over with dogs and flowers.

    HA!

  5. Happy Anniversary! Your post on marriage is thoughtful and lovely, if a little bittersweet from my perspective (on marriage #2, with our first child). Thank you for sharing so openly–it’s inspiring.

  6. Hi Brenda! Just returning the visit. What cute critters you have! Happy 10th to you both–loved the last pic of the winding road.

  7. Congratulations Brenda on your anniversary! What a beautiful, thoughtful, and sincere post. ((hugs))
    Thank you for visiting me AND for your kind words!
    I really appreciate them! YOU are a sweetheart!

    xo,
    Kim

  8. >>”mind sweeping down the plains.” What a great description! I must remember that.

    Thank you for your wise thoughts on marriage. Yes, a great relief to accept that nothing is perfect and we cannot change others. Only took me about thirty years. LOL!

    CurtissAnn

  9. Hi Brenda,
    What a great post! It all takes work doesn’t it? I hope your anniversary was really nice and I’m with you on realizing it’s a work in progress (finally!).
    I’m so glad I’ve found your blog. Gosh see what happens when I do errands and have to take some of the week off? I really missed some important, heart warming things. Thank you!
    ~Hugs~Tracie


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